SO many positive things have been happening. It's really great. With my track record, I keep waiting for something bad to happen again. It almost seems like I am due...but I'm not letting that get me down. How could I? Especially after opening my mail today
EEEEEEEKKKKK!!! Notgonnalie, I'm terrified actually that things have been falling in to place like this. It's almost one of those too good to be true things. I keep looking over my shoulder, expecting something bad to happen because that is what happened in the past. I am too excited though to let any negativity get me down. Most people have advised me to go the community college route. I tried that. So with this new mindset I had to try something different. I can't keep running in circles. So I stopped and applied to a more challenging school. Maybe it was the classes I took, but *FOR ME* that was the easy way out. It wasn't challenging for me. So I decided on this local college…well now it's a university…because I feel like it will give me what I need to succeed and stick with it. Being the person I am, I know what I am capable of and this will be exactly what I need. I can feel it. My thinking is probably weird, but it makes sense to me. I know what I need to do and just jump right in.
I wasn't expecting this as soon as it came. I figured it would be a few more weeks, even though all my documents were received. Well, I was out for my second run of the week ---yup. I did it!! I'll get in to that in a second though -- and I was ready to collapse when I decided to check the mail. There it was. I think my heart raced even more than it already was. I went in my apartment, crashed on the bed and opened a tiny corner of the envelope and cautiously peeked inside. When I saw the Congratulations, I ripped that sucker open. I wasn't expecting to get accepted in to the Fall Semester, since…oh, it starts in September…well I did. Even though I planned on going full time in the spring, I'm wondering if it would be fine to just take a class, then start the full time in January..if I can't figure out finacial aid in a month.. My whole plan was worked out for me getting in to the Spring Semester. Starting in January. I put both on my application because I kept going back and fourth…LOL. I'm a planner and had it all worked out in my head that I would have ample time to figure out financial aide since the priority deadline had already passed for the school. Yeah, that plan is definitely foiled…but I will figure it out.
Okay. So Running. Sunday I came home from work to an empty house. I was thinking the entire day about running and trying to pep myself up for going on Monday. When I got home though I said "Screw it. I'm not starting this cycle of putting everything off again. I'm just going to do it." I put all my work stuff away and get into my new workout gear. Then sat on my bed for a half hour coming up with excuses as to why it was a bad idea to go running. I couldn't think of any good reason as to why it was a bad idea, so I tried to come up with ways to disguise myself. When all my ideas ended up making me look even more ridiculous than my running, I decided I would use music to drown out the world.
I put my earphones in and blasted the music, really loud. Like really really loud. And I just went. As I started running, a car started coming near. I seriously thought about jumping into a nearby bush until all the traffic in the world disappeared but again, I told myself I was being the ridiculous one. The car passed me, and I smiled to myself because it wasn't too bad. NO ONE CARES. I only went around 2 blocks before I had to head home because if I had gone any further, I'd be crawling home because my legs had turned to Jell-o long before starting my second block.
When I got home, I took out my earphones and could still hear the music playing in my head. NEVER will I listen to it that loud again. Lol. But I realized two things. The first was that all my fears were ridiculous scenarios that I had created because all the people I passed were too occupied with their own lives to even notice me. Even the ones that did, smiled or waved. I wasn't ridiculed or have things thrown at me like I had feared. Yes, I know, LOL. The second thing I learned was that
No matter how much you walk, running is an entirely different ballgame. My poor legs!
Jell-o legs didn't stop me from going out yesterday. I actually even went my entire walking route. I didn't run the entire thing, because I'd probably have to be carried home but I did it. And you know what. It wasn't that bad.
So many things are changing. For the better. I'm terrified and excited to see what the future holds. We'll see what happens.