Morning! How's it going? Yesterday was a great day. Not only did I get a lot of organizing done around the house, I also am so proud of Jacob for breaking out of his shell and making some new friends with a few kids that live in my complex. This was something his teachers were concerned about all last year, and were still concerned about with the upcoming school year. Now that they all know each other they are outside constantly. Yesterday Jacob was outside from 9:30am until 7:00! He only came in the house for a snack, drink, or bathroom break. Lunch and dinner were spent outside picnic style. It's great to see him finally come out of his shell because I did not want him to have to go through the same struggles I had growing up.
Today I've got two things to share with you since they are about the same subject. Confidence. Ugh…This isn't something that I like admitting, but scrapping about it is therapeutic. Getting it out and writing about it helps me put things in perspective. I also LOVE writing. LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE it. It's one of my favorite parts of scrapbooking.
Okay, so back to confidence. Confidence is something I've struggled with most of my life. There have been points in my life where I have been super confident and there have been times where my confidence was at an all time low. I know why I have this issue…I'm not sure if you're able to read the journaling or not, but feel free to try. Lol. There are a lot a reason, but the one I wrote about is the major one and I didn't realize it affected me as much as it did until a few years ago. Basically it talks about comparison, being called things that others think are harmless, and having your individuality completely squashed, and being made to feel different by people that are supposed to love and support you growing up. Over time it takes a toll on a person and you really do start to feel different and never good enough. It's been a work in progress and I'm finally beginning to see that light at the end of that tunnel.
Losing as much weight as I have, has definitely helped boost my confidence a bit, but I still get doubtful at times. I even was hesitant of taking this job for a number of reasons but the pros out weigh the cons by a landslide. I figure if other people have confidence in me, I need to start having it in myself. No more being stuck. I KNOW I am smart and I KNOW I am capable of doing so much more than I have done. That is going to change. No more maybes, No more being doubtful and talking myself out of everything. Just more doing. I'm just going to have to figure things out as I go along. Isn't that what people do?
I've been on a massive creative spree lately. So I made a layout about this same subject. I think it came out great! I didn't add this into the journaling, because design wise I couldn't make it look good, but in the photo there are three things in there that in the past would NEVER have been there --First, a photo of me, Me wearing sunglasses and those big earrings. (MY FAV, BTW!!!). In the past, my confidence was so low I used to even remove my sunglasses whenever I was around people, even at a stop light or the drive through for fear of being told I look stupid. I was even afraid to wear the earring I liked because of one persons comment. In reality, I get so many compliments on them. I think big earrings suit me well :) ……yeah. I am not even close to being that bad anymore. Thank goodness. I was hesitant on even writing that here, but hey, it's a part of my life. Like I said a few posts ago. No perfection here. Thankfully I know what the problem is, where it comes from and am working through fixing it.
I know I talked vaguely about a few interactions I have had with people, but there was one incident that made me go "Whoa! Wait a sec, what the heck is going on with me? Who the heck am I and what the heck have I turned in to? THIS.IS.NOT.ME. Or who I want to be. Something has to change. TODAY." Not that this person was the reason for my changing, because I had already been thinking about things and coming up with a plan, but it was the final straw that made me want to get on track with my goals, and actually put things in to action. In the past I had always wanted things, but made excuse after excuse then ended getting discouraged when nothing ever turned out the way I want. NOT ANYMORE! I hope one day I get the chance to offer up a proper apology for acting like a weird crazy idiot (that's extreme, but that's what I feel like) and a Thanks because it made me realize I was not going down the path I wanted to go down.It was not going to be pretty.
Well, that was a long post. :) If you can't finish it in one sitting you've got the weekend. Which by the way, I hope is a Fantastic one. See you Monday!