Monday, August 25, 2014

Monday Ramblings


Hello Monday! Or Goodnight Monday, depending on how you want to look at it. Pheeww! I am finally sitting down after a busy day. I'd better get used to it because it's only going to get busier. You know that saying, Making a big life change is scary, but you know what's even scarier? Regret,  well that's what I am experiencing at the moment. I was all for all these changes  - still am -- but now it's reality.  I keep wanting to go back to my old way of thinking but then I think back to all the things I used to want out of life, and what the future will hold for me. I can't stay stuck anymore. It's going to be worth it…I have to keep repeating that to myself.

I've got another layout to share with you.



The quote I used on this layout resonated so much with me. The way I presented myself to others was the way I felt about myself; weird, uncomfortable and insecure. I had a very negative self image and was very uncomfortable with myself so in return I was very negative and uncomfortable around other people. I never realized how I portrayed myself to others affected every aspect of my life from building friendships & connecting with people, down to my finding a job.

I was chatting with a friend (not the friend I wrote about in this layout) after I went on an interview and was feeling down in the dumps because the interview had no gone well. I asked for an honest opinion of what I was doing wrong - I had always received compliments on my resume, I'm smart, I had the skills, & I was receiving interviews but never ended up getting a job - I wanted to know. Honestly.

Well I received an honest answer. That I gave off a bad uncomfortable vibe.  I thought back to innocent  comments made to me in the past year and it all started to make sense. I needed to change that. I needed to start thinking better of myself. It didn't happen right away because in all honesty, I didn't want to believe it. Then everything started to unfold with all the interactions I've had recently that I've been writing about here. It was true.

I was uncomfortable with myself so in turn, I was uncomfortable around others. Whoa. Who would have thought. It's not going to change overnight but I have gotten better. Sometimes in certain situations I find myself wanting to crawl back into my shell but then I have to remind myself…FAKE IT. It's not easy but I'm hoping eventually I don't have to fake it…one day I hope to actually be confident and comfortable in my own skin.

I hope you don't mind all these serious posts I've been writing lately. I've just been stuck in a rut both in my job and my personal life.  It feels so good to write about the things I'm learning and hopefully someone somewhere can relate and feel that they aren't alone. I wish it didn't take me until 30 to figure out all of this but the way I see it is that I'm coming out of this a much better person because of my experiences than if I had learned this in my 20's.

Well That's all I've got for today. Hope you all had a fantastic Monday!





3 comments:

  1. I think it's good to get this out though :) I think all your feelings, about the change you have going on, are completely normal!! You have A LOT of change going on at once!! Everything happens for a reason :)

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  2. I have heard when a woman turns 30 is when she learns more about herself and when she turns 40 she doesn't care about what others think of her….well I am past them both, lol.
    Great layout and so truthful to yourself.

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  3. That is one of my favorite quotes. Keep writing and getting it out and be alive with your changes!

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