I feel like a new person. Even from just a year ago. I am different. In a good way. Actually, not really different, I just am finally becoming the person I knew I could be. Before I hated myself, life and everything around me. I had no direction because I was listening to everyone but me. I was so confused. I'm still confused, lol, but I finally getting back on track with my goals. I was always afraid to be myself (there are reasons for that...). I honestly didn't even know what it was like to be myself. Vanessa who? I hadn't a clue. For so long I completely forgot about me. Then everything changed. I couldn't live like that anymore. I didn't like the direction I was going and I didn't like the person that I was becoming. I started to change gradually and one day it just clicked. Losing 80lbs and being confident in my looks certainly helps! Everything started to finally make sense.
I'm in a good place right now. And I am NEVER going back to be the person I was before because that person was not me. Never Ever again. I'm not saying I'm never going to have a bad day or get frustrated or grumpy, but positivity and just being me definitely pays off.
Speaking of positivity. I have been waiting for this day for such a long time. Words can not even express my feelings at the moment. I've been holding back telling many people because it doesn't seem like it's real but I got a new job!
It was bittersweet and somewhat emotional after I handed in my two weeks notice the other day. I'm not really going to talk about the job yet. Everything is signed so it is real but I'm not talking about until I start and know for sure that this is real. Lol. I don't want to jinx anything. Honestly it doesn't even seem true.
I had letters for each manager in the store. Being in transition with yet another new consolidation/change, my department is currently without a manger so I figured to be on the safe side, I'd give a letter to everyone. When my Ops manager finally came in the office, I handed her my letter and told her. I wasn't sure what reaction I was going to get but she was more than positive. "I am so happy for you. You are way too smart for this place. There isn't potential here" I had been hearing this a lot lately. Back in June I had a long unexpected talk about life, goals, where I was going, etc with my Store manager and heard similar statements. "Don't settle, Vanessa. I don't know if you see it yourself, but I can just see in your actions and how you work and interact with employees and customers, you can do so much more than this." After I was leaving his office he said "You're not going to be lifer here. There's no potential here. You can do more. You're young."
It's weird hearing things like that. I know what my capabilities are. I'm no Einstein but I am smart, and I capable of doing more than what I am doing. I know the reasons as to why I am that way and gradually I am changing my views about myself. It's going to be a change but I am so excited and very grateful to be given this opportunity. I am both excited and nervous to start this next chapter in my life. I can't wait to see what else is in store for me.