I still love my job. It's getting more involved and I am feeling fulfilled and satisfied in that aspect. Sometimes I worry though that I'm not doing a good enough job or that I will screw something up..that's not where my overwhelmed feelings are. They are from:
School...yeah. I took on too much. Taking classes full time, while working full time being a mom, etc is just way too much. I'm burning out fast. Also the school I go to while they offer night/online classes they are not very conducive to adult learners. Before I go any further I will say I get that in real life there are deadlines and work needs to be put into obtaining a degree but I also think people who are balancing work/life/family/school shouldn't be held to standards as day students fresh out of high school and just from my experiences this school doesn't get that. It's not just even me. I've spoken with a lot of students that have run in to the same problem.
Like my English class last semester- 12 books. That was a little excessive. When we as a class mentioned that we attend school at night because we work full time and are balancing families, and other life obligations, and we don't have much free time to read 12 books, could we maybe read 6?? - not thin ones mind you - these were all 300+ pages- he said "not my problem. Figure it out or drop the class. I teach the same class to my day students at 8am, they all manage to do the work. I'm sure you can too." I'm running into the same problem with 2 of my other classes this semester as well. One professors has things due every three days while that is fine, there are only certain days I have a chance to study and actually do the work. When I mentioned that I work full time have a family and other obligations and have certain periods during the week that allow me time to study, I got "well don't wait until last minute. You need to manage your time better. My day students manage. I'm sure you can too." and "just because this is an online class, doesn't mean it's at your own pace. I don't get where you and so many other students think you can learn whenever it's convenient for you. This is life. If you don't like quit."
I realize I am just venting and probably making excuses but I have a brief experience with online continuing education through a larger university. Not one of those ones you see on tv, it was through one of the the university of Massachusetts campuses. Their program was tailored for adult students, and yes there were deadlines but there was flexibility to move at a pace that worked for you as long as your work was in by the deadline. It was hard work and I didn't mind. I only withdrew from their because that was a horrible period of my life called "the spiral of confusion" But with these classes I have now, having work due every three days and in by 3:00 in the afternoon is just not realistic. I've actually spoken with a number of adult students as well that are running into the same problem - so it's not just these classes it's the program in general. One woman is a director of some local women's home, she back at school trying to earn her bachelors and was asked to be on a committee to offer perspective on the adult learning program. She graciously accepted thinking it would be a great opportunity Well it turns out every meeting for that is held in the early morning while she was at work. When she mentioned, to them if they wanted perspectives of the students that went at night it would probably be a good idea not to hold meeting in the early evening because most people who attend at night already have a full schedule and are already making accommodations to fit school in, she was shot down and told that it wasn't a realistic option since most of the committee members only taught during the day..she was baffled.
Quitting I am not, and I think I manage my time pretty well, professor meany. Lol. but I'm seriously considering transferring back to a university that understands that adult learners are differnt than traditional students. I chose the school I'm going to now because I thought actual classes on campus was what I wanted but Im accepting that I learn better by hands on and doing my own research, rather than sitting in a classroom so online learning I think is best for me too. The school I went to before offered classes on campus as well, but it is over an hour away. I am long out of my spiral of confusion and know what I want to major in. I just need to find a school that is a good fit.
In the meantime I just need to keep reminding myself I can't do everything....