Wednesday, October 7, 2015

Ramblings & Realizations: Career Cluelessness

 Realizing crappy things about yourself is never easy to accept but it's the first step in changing is realization.

 And man oh man,  do I have a TON to learn. This lovely brain of mine was been doing a lot of self reflection lately. Just figuring out, how to  More than usual because I had to write my very first self evaluation for work. I was taken a back for a moment - improvements? Strengths? CAREER GOALS??? ASPIRATIONS???????? I never really thought about these things... I just focused on working to pay my monthly bills and keeping a roof over my head...I don't know what these things are. This is all so new to me.

 …so Working in a corporate environment is so completely different than anything I ever imagined. It's more than just working - it's learning, creating connections, and growing.   I totally was not prepared for this. Ive never been around any any of this.

Most people don't know this because it's not something I like to make known but I almost didn't graduate from high school because my grades were so bad. Junior year into senior year I had to go to summer school or I wouldn't have even been able to move into 12th grade. It's not that I didn't know how to do the work, I just didn't see the point. I believed the things I was told and just kind of figures my life was already mapped out, so why try. What was the point.0  I hated every minute of it because I never saw the value of school and only decided to go because my friend was being forced to go by her parents because her grades were just as bad as mine. With all the drama going on at home, I just wanted work, move out, get a job and be an adult. There is positive side to everything, even if it did take me 12 years to see it - I learned a ton.

In the last year or so, I've had so many eye opening realizations. I've realized that I give up too easily; I've realized value of things, what I want out of life, what is a healthy & what is not regarding relationships and so much more - I've  learned that I don't need to just work to survive. That is all I have ever known: Working to live. At 31,  I'm CLUELESS about this career stuff but I'm embracing it and figuring out what path I want to take.  It's funny because I've always envisioned my life as great but never thought it was achievable - Not because I didn't think I was capable of achieving it but because I didn't really know how to go about it, my mindset was in the wrong place, & I figured that only people who came from "good" made it so why should I even bother. Totally wrong…sometimes you have to be your own encourager, and that's what I am right now.

Another thing I was totally wrong about...

I have a lot of potential & I am worth something.

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